January 2008
What do you say when someone makes homophobic or derogatory remarks or gestures about another human being? Although I know that such destructive messages come from ignorance or fear, I have learned that calling people scared or ignorant is not usually a constructive response, and besides, would we not be lowering ourselves to their level?I’ve found I have much more success when I really listen to what people are saying and then ask a specific question to personalize the issue and to challenge their knowledge, and normally they do not have a clue as to what is actually coming out of their mouths.
For example, when someone makes a statement against gays having the right to marry, I ask them why and how they think this could possibly hurt anyone. I ask whether they feel it is fair to tell any child that his or her dreams of growing up and finding romance and marriage to the person they love is disgusting. Would they rather have the child put all such thoughts out of their minds and plan to live a loveless and passionless life?
This kind of attitude is so damaging to individuals and to families. Teenagers especially who feel they are alone or hated can become dropouts, runaways or suicides, and their tragedies can break up entire families. The family you save by stopping this gay bashing could be your own.
If I hear an offensive joke or remark I usually speak up and tell that person that it offended me. Just to give you an example, I hate it when my friends send me forwarded text messages regarding the male body or heterosexual sex acts, they may find it amusing but I do not. It has gotten to the point that when I see that I have a “new PIC message” I just delete it, I do not even open it because even though I have aired my opinion regarding this issue, I seem to have fallen upon deaf ears.
Please do not misinterpret what I am saying here, I am by no means a “man hater.” To heterosexual women and gay men the male anatomy is a beautiful sight to behold but not for me, I do not find them as such, especially the “phallus.” I am all lesbian and only attracted to my female counter partners.If your children participate, even tacitly, in homophobic comments or even for that matter, any form of bullying, its important that they understand from you that you are disappointed and that you expect better of them. Children need to know that their family considers bullies to be cowards, and that, conversely, you have great respect for those with the courage to support what is right. While we all do stupid and childish things at times, it is admirable to grow to become a more mature and constructive member of society.
If your child engages in name calling. Why is he/she trying to hurt this person? Are they abusing the power of strength, size or numbers in order to intimidate & hurt? Why? Are they insensitive, ignorant, angry, feeling weak or hurting? What does the name they’re using mean to them? Does the child need discipline, facts, sensitivity training, or support? It’s usually not possible to know if a person is gay at a young age but if they are, so what? Bottom line is, as a parent you need to express to your child that “You’re not only being mean, you’re not being very smart.” Parents need to consider their own feelings and attitudes. If you think that suggesting that a person is “homosexual” is an insult, or if you make fun of someone because of their weight or personal appearance your child will get the message that bullying and name calling is fun.
If parents or teachers are alarmed or repulsed by atypical gender behavior, children are taught to fear differences and to value conformity, in turn they are less free to appreciate their own uniqueness or the uniqueness of others.There will always be bullying and prejudice in our society, it will not completely go away ever. It is a learned behavior and we are ALL guilty of it in some way or another, you can try to deny it if you want but if you really think long and hard about it, eventually you will have to admit to yourself that you are just as guilty so just own up to your behavior and learn how to deal with it. Children are products of their environment so if your son or daughter experiences bad behavior at home then in turn they will “practice what YOU preach.” We can sit down and point fingers and blame all of these other factors day in and day out on someone else, but it comes right down to the fact that rotten parents produce rotten children. Now of course, there’s always exceptions, and in a country of 250 million plus people, there will be many exceptions, but for the most part, it is true.It is a new year and what’s done is done, we cannot change the past but we can change our past behaviors. That is the beautiful thing about life, everything we experience is a “life lesson” and we can all learn from our mistakes thus make positive changes. We can be better partners, friends, parents and so on. We can set good examples, not only for our children but for other’s around us.So the next time you feel the urge to call someone a name or act like a bully, take a step back and really think about what you are about to do and who you will hurt because you will definitely hurt someone. Out of all of the gifts that God has given us, it is my belief that “free will” is the best. It enables us to make the right choices and keeps us from making mistakes. So listen to yourself, you may learn something. I hope you all have a wonderfully prosperous week!! ~Cee~
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Everyone knows the joke about lesbian courtship. “What do two lesbians do on their second date? They rent a U Haul!” Lesbian breakups, on the other hand, are no joke.
As if driven by madness, couples around me have recently been hitting the rocks and tearing asunder with astonishing speed. The spectacle has made me wonder just how well equipped we lesbians are for our own lifestyle.
Sure, breaking up is hard for everybody. But heterosexuals have the advantage of divorce courts to regulate their mating rituals, while gay male couples, although inhabiting the same extra matrimonial zone as lesbians often have more flexible boundaries within the relationship to cushion the moment of exit (like, um, a steady diet of dalliances). Lesbians are not good at splitting up and that is the bottom line.
We need some living structures to provide an alternative to the married bliss (or living hell) of partnered relationships, something other than going it solo. The terror of solitude can’t be underestimated, especially for lesbians from Latin American or other cultures that offer a safety net of intimacy beyond the couple. Maybe we lesbians need some sort of mutual aid society or civic responsibility.
What a shame that lesbians are too busy resting and birthing and going to the clubs to dance and drink to help one another. Not only would some shared nurturing help avert the tragedy of suicide, but it might also keep relationships from crumbling in the first place.
Sure, lesbian breakups may result purely from the problems of each couple. But they also occur within a context of unsupportive families who may never have approved of the relationship in the first place or disrespectful, friends (gay and straight) who don’t want to believe it will last.
It’s time for lesbian breakups to come out of the closet. Canada’s landmark Jane Doe case in May of 2000, in which its supreme court ruled in favor of alimony in a lesbian “divorce” case, thereby providing legal precedent for a whole host of marriage like protections for same-sex couples, should inspire some new thinking.
We do have some good examples to corollaries to the U Haul myth: lesbian ex lovers who become the best of friends, creating expanded kinship systems. A friend of mine, faced with having to leave her longtime home, got unexpected help from an ex and her current partner, who both came to town and lovingly helped her pack up.
Another dilemma that normally proceeds the break up is; who gets to keep the mutual friends? Now wait a minute here, why should anyone be put in the position where they have to “take sides?” I am sure that at least once in your life you have been put into this position, we all have and I personally think it is high school childish bullshit and I refuse to play that game, it’s our house and we pay the rent and we will have whomever I want over. No one is going to tell us we have to do otherwise.
Most times during a break up, tempers are lost and angry ugly things are said to one another. I have always believed that if one would only stop and contemplate what is about to be spewed forth we wouldn’t do it.
The ending of a relationship, for whatever reason, can be one of the most painful experiences that we can go through. Having made ourselves vulnerable by opening our hearts to another and loving to the fullest capacity almost feels spiritual; now it’s been replaced with a crushing sense of loss and emptiness that feels quite devastating. Break-ups on the average generally aren’t very nice, let’s face it, there’s a reason why you broke up, right?
Okay then, things didn’t work out, it’s all your fault if you talk to the other person even though you know you both had parts to play, yet still, animosity. Why? Why do we need to torment one another when things don’t work out?
The length of time together, the quality of the relationship, and the level of emotional investment in it all determine the intensity of the grief experienced when you and your lover part ways.
So maybe the best thing to do when a break up is eminent is to just remember what your grand mother always told you, “If you cannot say anything nice, do not say anything at all”
I hope you all have a wonderfully prosperous week!
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The definition of sodomy was expanded in the 14th century by the Catholic church to include: masturbation, oral sex, and any “sex between the legs and from behind”, by same sex male couples. Thomas Aquinas expanded the definition of sodomy even further to include lesbian sex and any sexual act where the woman was not in the bottom submissive position.
As the Catholic Church expanded the definition of sodomy to include everything but the “missionary position”. On the one hand, it allowed the practice of prostitution during this era to flourish on the other.
It was believed that straight men needed an outlet to release their sexual tension or they would commit acts of adultery, rape or homosexuality (but wouldn’t you agree that if you are in a committed relationship,that having a prostitute “service” you is adultery)? The Catholic Church and Thomas Aquinas saw prostitution as a “necessary evil.”
It was also during this period as well that the Catholic Church decreed that all priests had to be and remain celibate for the priesthood. They believed that wives and women were a hindrance to church mission.
This puts Luther’s views about priests, celibacy and marriage into context; Martin Luther (founding father of the Lutheran Church) knew that Catholic doctrine had changed based on the desire of its leaders. And there wasn’t anything written in scripture to back their new found doctrine (are you shocked)? As a matter of fact, the Bible speaks about the latter days when people will be forbidden to marry (ironic that the latter, forbidden fruit of marriage now just applies to homosexuals huh)?
It’s important for us to note that the Truth does not change over time. God is Truth and does not change (according to the old and new testaments). But, as we see, what changes are definitions, sexual acceptance, and church doctrines. Therefore, the truth is and will always be that sodomy is sex from the backside (Whoo Hoo!). Period. Regardless, of gender, age, race, nationality, or religious affiliation the definition of sodomy is the same for all; there is no discrimination.
Furthermore, the Bible makes no mention of masturbation, oral sex, or same sex (sex). I believe that God created us to experience pleasure in sex. Biological evidence suggest this is in fact true. Case in point: God created women to have two pleasurable spots. One pleasurable spot has absolutely nothing to do with penetration; and neither require ovulation to occur before orgasm. This is highly suggestive that sex is not just for procreation.
Even Paul alludes to sex as more than an act of procreation in I. Corinthians 7. Speaking about sex between couples Paul’s opinion was this (I Cor 7:5-6): “Defraud ye not one another, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for you incontinency (failure to restrain sexual appetite – Websters Collegiate Dictionary; 10th edition).
See, in maintaining a marriage according to the principles of the Bible, we keep ourselves from sexual temptation and are thus able to restrain our sexual appetite. That’s another reason why Paul says it is “better to marry than to burn.” Its not that marriage is a sacrament, its that marriage keeps us from temptation of the flesh, in this case, a temptation that can be but isn’t always sexual in nature: LUST.
God created us to enjoy the pleasures of sex in the context of a committed relationship. Sex is not a duty for offspring; its an intimate act to bring two people to the closest bond humanly possible. This bond, as Paul states, is an example of the type of bond we can expect to have with Christ our Lord for eternity on the new earth. Like marriage is supposed to represent the bond that is created by God which cannot be broken. “What God hath put together let no man put asunder” because “the twain shall be one flesh” And that statement my friends, should be applied to every one of us.
I hope you all have a wonderfully prosperous week!!
~Cee
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What The "L" 