SEptember 2008
“Fooled around and fell OUT of Love”
I have been a little hard pressed coming up with an article topic for this week but thankfully my friend Sher came through with a great topic suggestion.
Ahhhhh…Lesbian love. We have all been there, you are out with friends partying at the local watering hole having a great time then it happens. She walks in and completely takes your breath away!
You buy her a drink, one thing leads to another and before you know it you are loading up the U Haul. Yep…you all know the popular phrase; “U Haul Syndrome” and most of us Lesbians have been afflicted with this syndrome once or twice in our adult lives.
So you set up housekeeping with the woman of your dreams and live happily ever after; or at least for six months or so until she becomes the woman of your worst nightmare.
Living together at one point sounded like a great idea. You were paying for two apartments and probably spending so much time together, one apartment was almost always empty.
“We would be saving so much money not just in rent but utilities, we are going to end up getting married anyway, I’d be living so much closer to work…blah, blah, blah” (You know the drill).
What a wonderful idea…Uh Huhhhhh (slapping forehead)
When the fireworks fizzle out and the day comes that she is no longer taking your breath away but turning your stomach you know in your heart that it is time to do the adult thing and…”Get the hell out of Dodge.”
Obviously during a “live in relationship” you accumulate household items jointly but how does one determine who gets what?
Now only speaking from my own personal experiences, when my past relationships ended I always tried to split everything down the middle because I have this high hope that people will give me the same respect that I have given them, the problem with that being that it almost NEVER goes down like that.
Like my last relationship for example. When I met her she was still living with her ex which was a huge red flag that I chose to completely ignore. She continually said; “She is making my life unbearable, I love you, I do not want to spend another night without you…blah blah blah…why don’t we rent a U Haul?”
Three years later after she had sucked the life blood right out of me by lying, cheating, emotionally abusing myself as well as my daughter and stealing from me as well as my friends I ended it and moved into the spare room until I could saved up enough money to secure my own apartment.
So when I received my college reimbursement payment I found an apartment, put the money down but had to wait for a few weeks until it was painted.
It was March and I was still legally on the lease at the home she and I shared until May and I knew my rights…or so I thought I had rights. One weekend while away she had our landlords husband change the locks on the house and refused to give me any of my belongings.
So with lease in hand, along with all of the utility bills and receipts for my things I called Canton’s finest (eye roll) only to be shot down. “This is a civil issue ma’am, you need to file a civil case to get your belongings back”
What? I bought just about everything we had, she didn’t have a pot to piss in when we met!
So I moved into my apartment despite the fact that it was not ready with basically the clothes on my back. For months she played the game with me, if you do this or you do that you can have your things back but it never happened because I was done being bullied by her.
I met Laura and things were going wonderfully and eventually I got over the anger and decided not to pursue her. I wanted her completely out of my life and if that meant losing all of my material possessions then I guess it wasn’t such a huge price to pay, afterall, it was all replaceable…especially her.
Ending any relationship can be very stressful. When you are living together it can be unbearable. The process of moving on is going to be as hard or as easy as you both decide to make it.
In my honest opinion material items should be split, with the exception of big ticket items, such as a house or car for example. If they are owned jointly, a plan needs to be rendered to either buy the other out or draw up legal documentation if one or the other decides to take on the bank note.
Most of us can be adult and make adult decisions when it comes to splitting up personal properties; some of us, like my, ex do not possess any adult cells in their brains thus it will be their life long goal to make their ex partner miserable for as long as humanly possible.
Disagreements about who owns property are common, any household goods (except money, securities, vehicles or pets) which were bought or acquired during the cohabitation are presumed to be owned equally. Materials acquired before the cohabitation belong to the person who acquired them. Gifts or inherited goods belong to the person who receives them.
Separating from your partner is never going to be easy. At the same time as coping with the emotional fallout, you will also find yourself faced with a lot of practical and potentially distressing decisions concerning your home, your financial circumstances and sometimes, your children.
“Healing,” entails the mature acceptance of the traumatic facts of one’s emotional mortification, the causes and consequences, as well as a resolute willingness to swallow the “bitter pill” and move on like a mature and rational adult.
We cannot change the past nor undo the wounds, we can, nonetheless, allow ourselves to feel our rage and grief over this irretrievable loss. We may even with some, time and grace find within ourselves the capacity to forgive those whom we feel inflicted our pain.
Everything in life is a lesson and sadly enough the most valuable lessons come from the experiences that hurt us the most. So even if you have been hurt in a relationship, you can always be assured that even though your material possessions were taken from you they were not able to take your dignity and respect from you. Be assertive, stand your ground and do what is right for you.
Self assertiveness is your right to exist as you are. It is the acceptance that your life does not belong to others and that you are not here to live up to someone else’s expectations. Stand up for yourself!
I hope that you all have a wonderfully prosperous week!
~Cee~
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